You Might Have a Toxic Father, from Playing the Victim to Comparing You and Your Siblings,
Toxic patterns vary from person to person, but there are a few textbook characteristics to look out for, “Toxic behavior is behavior toward other people that makes them feel bad about their life and themselves,” “It is characterized by criticism, control, manipulation and guilt.” For example, if your dad constantly criticizes your life choices (like badmouthing your spouse or rolling his eyes at your career path), and if this has been an ongoing pattern for as long as you can remember, you might be dealing with a toxic father. Here, nine signs you’re dealing with one, from constantly playing the victim to comparing you to your siblings.Signs You Have Toxic Father
1. He compares you to your siblings
2. He doesn’t respect boundaries
You love your dad, but he’s always had a hard time knowing his place. He’s made a habit of showing up at your house, unannounced, expecting to be able to stay for dinner. Because you love him, you give in, but even after asking him to stop popping in without calling, he continues to do it.
3. He insists on being right
Your dad has hated every person you’ve ever dated, and it’s starting to feel like no one is going to be good enough. He has similar opinions about your career goals, friends and pretty much everything else. If you’ve articulated that you’re happy with your life and the people in it and he still won’t stay out of your business, then your relationship with your dad could be verging on (if not already) toxic.
4. You feel exhausted after spending time or speaking with him
Do you feel totally spent every time you interact with your dad? We’re not talking about feeling like you need to be by yourself for a little while—something that can happen even with people we love being around. Interacting with a toxic person can leave you feeling defeated since their dramatic, needy and high-maintenance tendencies can suck the energy right out of you.
5. He consistently plays the victim
Sometimes, parents can’t help but guilt trip their kids. (“What do you mean, you aren’t coming home for Thanksgiving?”) But there’s a difference between expressing disappointment and creating a toxic environment by blaming everyone else for their feelings. If your dad refuses to talk to you for a week because you’ve decided to spend next Thanksgiving with friends, you could be in toxic territory.
6. He tries to compete with you
Every time you call your dad to talk about a promotion at work or a potty-training breakthrough with your kid, he inevitably steers the conversation to be about his illustrious career or his methods of raising you. Any healthy relationship should be a two-way street, and if your dad is incapable of celebrating your wins—big or small—it’s a sign that there’s an issue.
7. Everything is about him
You just got off a 45-minute phone call with your dad only to realize that he didn’t ask you a single question about your life or how you’re doing. If he was dealing with an important issue or had some exciting news, that’s one thing. But if this happens pretty much every time you talk, then this relationship could be toxic.
8. There are always strings attached
Sure, dad will pick up the grandkids from school, but you’ll never hear the end of how lucky you are to have his help…followed by an immediate request to reorganize his basement. We’re not suggesting our parents should do every little thing for us, but you should be able to ask for a favor without having him hold it over your head or immediately ask for something unreasonable in return.
9. He’s impossible to please
You’re constantly bending over backward to please everyone in your life—your dad included. Most people are thankful for your flexibility and help, but your dad seems to always want more. If you consistently feel like you’re coming up short in his eyes, it’s not an issue with how you’re doing things, it’s on him. …this is my fair thoughts May be wrong but I invested 28 years to feel so it difficult to explain exactly what is true but always remember true is true .